Home Every Picture Tells a Story THE KNOCKING DEAD | Halloween Humor

THE KNOCKING DEAD | Halloween Humor

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THE KNOCKING DEAD | Halloween Humor

Before the reclamation… the recovery of humanity, they called them Walkers. The undead zombies that spanned the land after an unknown event crashed civilization, leaving handfuls of us alive. Small pockets of society that soon reverted to the primitive roots of survival: kill or be killed.

On the run, we fought back, always seeking someplace safe. Somewhere to make a stand and to begin the climb toward the rudiment of lives and lifestyles we once took for granted. Finally, after bitter years, we did. Humanity—we—re-established our world. Maybe not entirely as it once was, but close. Perhaps an even better one for what we learned about ourselves during the dark days. But there were dangers in this new world. Still, things to be wary of for their intrusion into your life and aggravation brought to your doorstep.

We’d had close calls before, but one day, we weren’t so lucky.

It was that last remnant of daylight when the sun had gone from yellow-orange on the horizon to bands of striated orange, then orange-red, to a scarlet orb eye-level low and dipping lower that turns the sky and clouds around it shades of crimson. There was a sound at the front door, the scuff of feet on the stone pavers, then a ring and a knock. Finishing up my writing for the day, I heard and caught out of the corner of my eye my wife passing my study door to see who it was.

“We don’t mean to bother you, but we’re in your neighborhood to share some information.”

My wife is polite, and I knew she paused. That hesitation was their opening.

“Have you heard the word of…”

My wife should have lashed out—perhaps her battle-earned reflexes had been lost—to stab them through the head and end the situation. But she had reverted to the polite, civilized lady of before. I looked out my study window and saw the man in front, a cluster of others behind that moved closer, massing at our door. Scenting the kill.

I spun and grabbed my old friend, that had never let me down. A six-foot oak staff with a serrated blade embedded and secured as stoutly as a man-hating 50-year-old virgin’s loins.

I came out of my office, moving like in days long past. I felt that memory of once athletic grace flow through me, my body automatically responding. The muscle memory of survival. In the foyer, I placed one foot and my 212 pounds behind the door so it would not easily open further, and with my free hand, I swept my wife behind me, waving her further back. I needed room to work.

A quick glimpse through the doorway. I saw Sunday-Go-To-Meeting clothing: women with purses on crossed arms, hands with bundles of leaflets, men with the same tracts but sometimes holding a black or brown leather (or faux-leather) bound book with a purple ribbon placeholder peeking out that gave a slight rise and settle as an eddy of wind swirled.

Perhaps they were good men and women all. But through perverse hunger to spread their creed, they could suck the time out of your life as you tried to be courteous and hear them out. Trying to be civil, though you weren’t remotely interested in what they espoused.

In that situation, I’m no longer polite. No, not at all.

I swung the door wide and took the first man—the knocker—right through the throat. Yanked out and jabbed again, this time in the head. It fell back but remained standing. I took the next right through the forehead. It should have dropped but merely stepped back, pulling itself off my blade. Nothing worked… they kept coming… kept trying to hand me tracts and information on their belief… kept interrupting our day with their unsolicited tag-team approach. The only recourse… epic rudeness.

With a harsh sound that my daughters call the MAD DAD voice, I thundered, “NOT INTERESTED, DON’T COME BACK!” They retreated, and I slammed the door. My back to it, I saw my wife’s look… full of reproach. Thirty-five years, and it still has a measure of impact. But not this time.

“You don’t have to be so…”

“Yes… Yes, I do.”

I knew chances were in a month or two… I would have to be again. Because it seems the Knockers always come back.


The inspiration for The Knocking Dead

Here’s the Story behind the story from Dennis Lowery: I read a brief article about a cemetery that was maintained only by donations and judging by the accompanying picture showing how dilapidated it was… is seemed funds weren’t coming in. Then I thought, “I guess the dead aren’t very good at raising money.” That led to, “What if they–the dead–went door-to-door?” And that led to thinking about the pesky/pestering folks that come around ever so often. “The Knockers…”

Only they’re not looking for money (directly)… but for souls (so to speak).