The Child Inside

The Child Inside - Short Nonfiction by Dennis Lowery

“All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once they grow up.” — Pablo Picasso

Here’s why—for me—this is the truth (and I know, sometimes the truth is in the beholder’s eye or ear; it’s how you see or hear it from your own perspective):

I spent over three decades burying the child-artist in me from the time I was 18 years old. Pushing something I had shown a talent for (writing) deep under a uniform (Navy) or businessman’s suit (as manager and executive working for others and then as owner of my own businesses). It was who I thought I must be to provide for my family. My brain told me so.

I had successes… and failures (adding seasoning to life) along the way. Enough success and reward for rationalizing that what I did was what I should do. And to continue doing it even though it was sucking the life out of me. But all I have lived and learned has made me who I am today. [Undoubtedly, a better writer than I would be otherwise and one who can draw upon deep and varied experience.]

I would not erase the past. But back in 2008, what was ahead concerned me. At the time, the present pressed hard because I felt my future, the vision I had for it, was fading. I was so dissatisfied, so mad at the business and professional life controlling me instead of me governing it. I changed from what I thought I had to do to what I wanted. And that was tough because I wasn’t wealthy. My wife and I’ve done well, but I also had to work and earn a living, just like most people. But if you want something enough, you can tough it out. You can take what is meaningful and fit it into your life or make it the purpose that drives you.

This, too, became a truth I can attest to. But I had to plan and execute a transition.

The backstory for you:

I could read at five and have been an avid reader all my life. I enjoyed writing but didn’t labor for years, scribbling away with unsold manuscripts or the next great American novel in a drawer or sitting on a dusty shelf. But over the years, in my correspondence, in observations on life, and even mundane business letters, staff reports, etc., many had commented on how well I wrote. [My 12th grade English teacher, Mrs. Goodwin, bless her soul, was the only teacher I had who saw something in me I wouldn’t discover in myself until 30 years after her class.] So, I enjoyed writing and the praise, but that did not trigger me to commit to writing as a pursuit or passion.

In the summer of 1978, right after my first-year orientation at the University of Arkansas, I made a life-changing decision. I joined the US Navy instead of continuing college. And for four years, I had many great (and some not-so-pleasant) experiences and traveled far. [I’ve written on some of those adventures.]

Then, for fourteen years, I was an employee/junior manager, then a manager/corporate-executive type.

Then a full-time owner and manager of challenging, capital-intensive, often stressful businesses.

From 18 to 48, I was all the above (read a bit more about my business background here). Until I had had enough of doing what I had done for so many years, enduring crushing pressure, and little genuine joy in what I did day-in-day-out. And replaced what I was doing with what I wanted to do.

I came late to the game; to the realization that writing was my vocation. When I had my epiphany, I took advice from Kipling (excerpt follows from his poem If, which I have carried in my wallet since 1992):

If you can make one heap of all your winnings,

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch.

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

I decided writing was where my heart and soul were. And who can enjoy life separate from the two? I couldn’t, so I became who I am. A writer.

It was difficult. It took more than a year to come together. I filled all those unforgiving minutes with effort and wrote and published my first book when I was 48.

Since 2008, I’ve ghostwritten 37 nonfiction and fiction books for clients, written dozens of novellas, short stories, and vignettes, and hundreds of essays, posts, and articles. Since 2009 (through my company Adducent), I’ve helped publish 80+authors and 100 titles (as of this writing). It’s been hard work because I had to figure things out and learn along the way. In all I’ve done, I’m self-taught like Steve Jobs. And I’m still learning and getting better as a writer and a publisher. That will never stop. My business life still has its stress. If you’re self-employed, as I have been for 28+ years, you can’t avoid or eliminate that. But I control and care about my work and what I create (or help clients create).

So, here’s the thing. The above is about me, but now, what follows is for you.

Believe in your heart of hearts and work at what you want to, even if it’s while everyone else is sleeping or playing.

Stand resolute before those who doubt you (whether they say it to your face or if you know they are thinking it).

Deal with self-doubts by doing the work, whatever it may be. Action can and will handle self-doubts. Make it happen.

Deal with criticism because it will come. When it happens, take anything you can learn to improve or get better and discard the rest. Let it, the valueless husk, pass.

If you aren’t willing to do the work, to put in the time and deal with the grind, then don’t whine, worry, or complain about your life and future. Just surrender and take the easy way out, ceding control to others… to circumstances.

But if you want to control your destiny…

Do the work. Hone your craft. Learn what you need to take your life in the direction you want. If it’s important enough to you… you’ll find a way.

You can find that child in you, the one you thought was long gone. They’re there. Inside. Just sleeping… waiting for you to wake them. So, they can paint, draw, sing, write, invent, build, capture beauty with a camera… or just dance.

The child inside you can’t, and won’t, come out unless you are brave enough to let it.

I hope you are. I hope you do.

I’ll leave you with this thought from a writer and author much more famous than I…

“For what it’s worth… it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you’ve never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start over again.” –F. Scott Fitzgerald

Some of the reader comments:

“I am so motivated after reading this because I know in the next couple of years; I am going to be a counselor. Right now, I am an Accounts Payable Analyst; I get up at 5 am, go to the corporation from 8 am – 5 pm, then I go home and study until 12 – 2 am; then back up at 5 am and it starts all over again. All the while maintaining an A average in college. Just like you said, ‘Do the work.’ My dream, my goal, and my desire is to help hurting, broken people, to counsel people who are having a hard time adapting to change. Well, I need to get back to my studies. It always gives me great pleasure to read your work. Thank you. –Bernice J.

“Thanks for writing my story. Well, it would be with a few minor changes. ‘I would not erase the past.’ I so agree. The past is part of us.” –Vicki Tyley

“This is so good!” –Cilla C.

“This was awesome. Thank you Dennis Lowery for the solid valuable post!”–Ryan Best

“Wonderful!” –José Galisi Filho


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